8 rules for dating the independent man

Today’s post turns the tables, and these rules may surprise you.

My last advice post, 8 Rules for Dating the Independent Woman, really struck a chord with readers. To recap, the rules ranged from thinking outside the typical dinner-and-a-movie dating box to limiting those annoying, frequent phone calls and texts. Here’s a sampling of what my readers had to say:

“This was on point. I love it because it’s so true.”
– Stephanie Marie Sanchez

“Great advice, since I am definitely the independent woman type. The IW is not afraid to do things on her own. …She also does not like jealous men, so leave your insecurities at the door.”
– Dallas Single Mom blogger Heather Buen

But ladies, the guys felt just as passionately about this subject. Following the post, I also received dozens of emails from some of Dallas’ most independent men.

For today’s rules, I compiled an elite group of these responders to learn exactly what this complex crop of males really wants from a mate. We’re talking the elusive, exclusive George Clooney types here, and they have spoken. After all, turnabout is fair play.

8.  Leave the past out of the present, or there’s no future.

It may be hard to believe, but the Independent Man doesn’t necessarily want to hear about your ex-boyfriend or your childhood. The past might have shaped you, but it doesn’t have to define you.

7.  Don’t poo poo his dreams. 

The IM is always on a mission to improve himself and achieve more – with or without you. Though you might think his latest business idea is bound for failure, don’t belittle his plans. Love is support, not competition.

6. Leave the business lingo at the office. 

The career-focused Independent Woman (IW) is often attracted to the IM, but she shouldn’t evaluate him like a potential hire. Further, just because you both look good on paper, doesn’t mean you should approach a new relationship like a corporate merger.

5.  Respect his time.

Breezing into a date ten minutes late is acceptable (maybe even cute). Arriving 20 minutes late, however, is as obnoxious as the fact that Louis Vuitton bags never go on sale.  Have some respect, because the thing about time is that they’re not making any more of it.

4.  Get over it.

When two strong personalities connect, conflicts are bound to arise. But, once you’ve made your point and acknowledged a solution, move on! The IM doesn’t do reruns. If you continue to play old episodes, he’ll be forced to reach for the remote – click.

3.  Accept him for himself. 

We all love to accessorize, but let’s leave the enhancing to our wardrobes. The IM doesn’t need any added bells and whistles.

2. Leave the girlfriends at home.

Also in the unnecessary category are personal cheering sections and cocktail therapists. When dating the IM, don’t bring along your girlfriends to size him up.  Save your gals for GNO.

1. Rescue yourself.

Though he might bear a strong resemblance, the IM is not some fairy tale prince. The last thing he’s looking for is a damsel in distress. Do yourself a favor and fix your own flat tire, deal with the spider in the shower, or even take the leap and buy your own dream house. The most potent aphrodisiac for an IM is a woman that doesn’t need saving.

Finally, as both sexes agree, insecurity is the biggest deal breaker of them all. Whatever it is that you seek in a mate, make sure that you also bring those qualities to the table.

Until Next Time,



Written for DFW Style Daily

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