As a new mom, I’ve had to let go of so much. Just the other evening, I sat covered in vomit at the movies when my daughter had a tad bit too much to eat and relieved herself all over Momma. I whipped out the package of baby wipes and went to town on the both of us. Twenty minutes shy of the credits, we left—me in a crusty pair of Lululemons and Darlington, naked and happy. Sometimes “letting go” feels like a sacrifice, but after a bit of reflection, I remembered that there are things bigger and more important than me and my self-consciousness—a lesson I’m continually faced with as a mother.
With Darlington, I love how she instinctually knows what’s important and what’s just vanity. In the future, I hope she never loses that. Since donating my hair in honor of Kelly, I feel reborn. For so long, I identified myself by my hair. It was my biggest moneymaker in my twenty years of modeling. I wasn’t allowed to cut it or do anything to it without getting permission from my agents. My hair had value; therefore, I had value. And what we hold on to, ends up holding on to us, weighing us down.
I didn’t realize until my ponytail was detached and staring back at me, the weight it had carried. It had seen so much and it had been through so much. I’d like to think that this new crop of hair will be filled with love, security, and sense of self, and if and when I ever decide to donate it again, all of that hair will have been made with love and thus, received with love.
In every sense of it all, if I really want to honor my friend, then I must continue to pursue my dreams because I can, because she always believed in me, and the only thing holding me back from achieving them is myself. Sometimes we just have to cut the cord to find ourselves reborn.
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